For the last three years, I have been working mostly full time on a Bachelor's degree in Interior Design. We have always discussed my graduation date with a "some day this will happen" sort of way and I honestly thought I had at least another full year of classes before I finished. In June, my academic adviser counted and gave me a number that made me really happy and after counting {{a few times}} I realized by the middle of January, I should be finishing up my last two classes. This is GREAT news. I am excited to be finishing and getting done with something I have worked so hard on, but that excitement comes with a lot of other feelings too.
In June I shut down SBE. For awhile {{actually the whole entire month of June}} I was pouting about the 'loss' of my business. For years now I have worked, studied, researched, worked some more, on creating SBE, growing SBE, and making something of it. My life the last twelve months had been a crazy chaos of kid-work, life-work, school-work, SBE-work, and house-work. There were weeks where I was going non-stop from 5am until 10 o'clock at night - days where I literally didn't sit, except for at dinner. And when we decided in June that I needed to set SBE aside, for the bigger picture, and it freed up a good portion of my day, I literally didn't know what to do with my hands. I've been afraid to write about this because I was worried about what people would think were the reasons we decided to stop putting energy into it, after working so hard to get where we were; if it's really making money, why stop? One of the main reasons was because we decided to home school. Homeschooling is right for our family for a number of reasons {{I'm not going into right now}} and if you are already so busy that you don't sit down but once a day, it would be nearly impossible add that too your day. J was {{rightfully}} worried about my ability to juggle it all. Another main {{and probably more important}} reason is because it was just time. I realized a few months back that SBE was never meant to be my life long goal. In fact, part of the chaos was getting SBE handled and then working on my school work, for my actual life long goal. One day after praying for guidance on the whole situation, I saw the video testimony of someone I admire and she was saying how she felt like a failure for closing her business. God told her it would be okay because He had bigger things in mind for her, later. Sometimes those immediate answers are the ones you need to hear the most. I never dreamed that my little business would become what it did. Say what you will but I sold several thousands of dollars worth of glass mugs last year {{maybe not tens of thousands, but it was only my second real year in business.}} Glasses that I designed. FROM OUR HOUSE. That's nothing to sneeze at when you're working around a family schedule, a full time school schedule, and a military schedule. Running SBE and doing it all myself and figuring things out as I went taught me so much about the business side of, well, business-ing {{that's a word, right?}} The experiences I have gained from SBE will be invaluable in the future when I am ready to start again, on the bigger picture, later.
That brings me back to the things to come. Though I whole-heartedly feel that homeschooling is for us, the way our schedules are right now, with my school ending, and J's work schedule as busy as ever, we have decided to send Bug back to school this year. My baby is going to first grade. She's a very bright little girl and our main reason for homeschooling is because of how bored she was in kindergarten. But I have been assured by the school counselor they will pay very close attention to Bug and make sure she is being properly challenged. 2.0 is also going to school this year, and Baby J will also start preK after she turns three in the fall. Their level of excitement and readiness {{somewhat}} eases my anxiety {{why is the world so scary!?}} about them being away from me for most of the day. This change is probably going to be the hardest on me. I have been at home with them since before I even had Bug, and now three of the four will be gone for most of the day. {{Have I ever mentioned I'm a control freak?}} I know they have to grow up some day, but I just want them to stay little and innocent forever {{is this too much to ask for?!}} I'm not ready for them not to need me the way they always have. I also know that easing them into a school routine will be much easier than dumping them in daycare when it's time for my internship {{and hopefully a full time job}} and leaving it up to them to adjust on their own. My BFF said something that will stay with me forever, "Who are we without them?" And that's exactly it. I have all these things I want to do but I know in the depths of my being that none of it will ever compare... to them.
The last big thing to come is a doozy. It's also scary {{and wonderful, and exciting, and overwhelming}} but we think it's what is going to be the best start for our big picture: the kids and I will be staying with my mom in CA for my internship. I'm not sure if you've ever looked at Fort Polk on a map, but we are sort of in the middle of nowhere. There isn't much around and though I do have a couple options for interning out here, they won't really be as outstanding as they will be in the bay area in CA, nor will they be even close to where I would like to go with my career. This is a problem solved for me and things have fallen together so well with it, there is only one explanation {{remember those doors I was speaking of?}} As for fear of all the scary changes, I have decided to embrace it. My friend wrote about fear on her {{wonderful}} blog, she said, "At every transition the devil will send a spirit of fear, but 'I have not given you a spirit of fear, but one of power, love and self-discipline.' 2 Timothy 1:7."
So here's to the big picture, opening doors, and family <3.
