The Big Picture

I was two seconds away from writing a blog last night about how scared I am for the things to come and my mom called to tell me something really great, which was a perfect reminder that when God opens doors, there isn't much else to do but walk through them.

For the last three years, I have been working mostly full time on a Bachelor's degree in Interior Design. We have always discussed my graduation date with a "some day this will happen" sort of way and I honestly thought I had at least another full year of classes before I finished. In June, my academic adviser counted and gave me a number that made me really happy and after counting {{a few times}} I realized by the middle of January, I should be finishing up my last two classes. This is GREAT news. I am excited to be finishing and getting done with something I have worked so hard on, but that excitement comes with a lot of other feelings too.

In June I shut down SBE. For awhile {{actually the whole entire month of June}} I was pouting about the 'loss' of my business. For years now I have worked, studied, researched, worked some more, on creating SBE, growing SBE, and making something of it. My life the last twelve months had been a crazy chaos of kid-work, life-work, school-work, SBE-work, and house-work. There were weeks where I was going non-stop from 5am until 10 o'clock at night - days where I literally didn't sit, except for at dinner. And when we decided in June that I needed to set SBE aside, for the bigger picture, and it freed up a good portion of my day, I literally didn't know what to do with my hands. I've been afraid to write about this because I was worried about what people would think were the reasons we decided to stop putting energy into it, after working so hard to get where we were; if it's really making money, why stop? One of the main reasons was because we decided to home school. Homeschooling is right for our family for a number of reasons {{I'm not going into right now}} and if you are already so busy that you don't sit down but once a day, it would be nearly impossible add that too your day. J was {{rightfully}} worried about my ability to juggle it all. Another main {{and probably more important}} reason is because it was just time. I realized a few months back that SBE was never meant to be my life long goal. In fact, part of the chaos was getting SBE handled and then working on my school work, for my actual life long goal. One day after praying for guidance on the whole situation, I saw the video testimony of someone I admire and she was saying how she felt like a failure for closing her business. God told her it would be okay because He had bigger things in mind for her, later. Sometimes those immediate answers are the ones you need to hear the most. I never dreamed that my little business would become what it did. Say what you will but I sold several thousands of dollars worth of glass mugs last year {{maybe not tens of thousands, but it was only my second real year in business.}} Glasses that I designed. FROM OUR HOUSE. That's nothing to sneeze at when you're working around a family schedule, a full time school schedule, and a military schedule. Running SBE and doing it all myself and figuring things out as I went taught me so much about the business side of, well, business-ing {{that's a word, right?}} The experiences I have gained from SBE will be invaluable in the future when I am ready to start again, on the bigger picture, later.

That brings me back to the things to come. Though I whole-heartedly feel that homeschooling is for us, the way our schedules are right now, with my school ending, and J's work schedule as busy as ever, we have decided to send Bug back to school this year. My baby is going to first grade. She's a very bright little girl and our main reason for homeschooling is because of how bored she was in kindergarten. But I have been assured by the school counselor they will pay very close attention to Bug and make sure she is being properly challenged. 2.0 is also going to school this year, and Baby J will also start preK after she turns three in the fall. Their level of excitement and readiness {{somewhat}} eases my anxiety {{why is the world so scary!?}} about them being away from me for most of the day. This change is probably going to be the hardest on me. I have been at home with them since before I even had Bug, and now three of the four will be gone for most of the day. {{Have I ever mentioned I'm a control freak?}} I know they have to grow up some day, but I just want them to stay little and innocent forever {{is this too much to ask for?!}} I'm not ready for them not to need me the way they always have. I also know that easing them into a school routine will be much easier than dumping them in daycare when it's time for my internship {{and hopefully a full time job}} and leaving it up to them to adjust on their own. My BFF said something that will stay with me forever, "Who are we without them?" And that's exactly it. I have all these things I want to do but I know in the depths of my being that none of it will ever compare... to them.

The last big thing to come is a doozy. It's also scary {{and wonderful, and exciting, and overwhelming}} but we think it's what is going to be the best start for our big picture: the kids and I will be staying with my mom in CA for my internship. I'm not sure if you've ever looked at Fort Polk on a map, but we are sort of in the middle of nowhere. There isn't much around and though I do have a couple options for interning out here, they won't really be as outstanding as they will be in the bay area in CA, nor will they be even close to where I would like to go with my career. This is a problem solved for me and things have fallen together so well with it, there is only one explanation {{remember those doors I was speaking of?}} As for fear of all the scary changes, I have decided to embrace it. My friend wrote about fear on her {{wonderful}} blog, she said, "At every transition the devil will send a spirit of fear, but 'I have not given you a spirit of fear, but one of power, love and self-discipline.' 2 Timothy 1:7."

So here's to the big picture, opening doors, and family <3.

There Is No Time Like Now...

There's No Time Like Now...

For spending an afternoon with the awesome women in your life {{and getting gorgeous jewelry in the process}}...

I hosted a Lia Sophia Party for a friend yesterday and it was so much fun! I know I have said it before, but I really do have the BEST neighbors!

For eating delicious food...

There is a new bakery in our little corner of the world. They offer delicious cupcakes {{that I may or may not have been eating too many of recently}} and they were part of the treats at the party. YUM!!

For... cleaning your carpets...?

{{Wait, What?!}} Pretty sure, I walked my last two guests upstairs last night to show them around, leaving 2.0 sitting on the floor drinking from her bottle. When we walked back down stairs, she had EXPLODED in her diaper, leaving poo-pile #1 {{And. It. Was. EPIC.}} Then she crawled through it, schmearing it ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE LIVING ROOM. Where we found her sitting in poo-pile #2 {{Yay life!}} Remember those AWESOME neighbors I mentioned? Yea, one of them ran home to get her carpet cleaner and cleaned the area for me, while the other neighbor and I tried to clean 2.0 off without touching her. {{Or gagging... The smell was AWFUL!!}} Thanks, Ladies!! YOU ROCK!

For going back to school...

Yup, two weeks ago, I found out The Art Institute is now offering online degrees and it was like the design gods had opened the clouds and spoken to me {{Actually, her name was Tara and I was chatting with her on their website. It's sort of the same thing though.}} I enrolled right away and today was my first day of the B.S. Interior Design program. That is now how my September looks. It's a little overwhelming, but VERY exciting and after all...

There really is no time like now.

I'm Fat {{A Baby-J Update}}

On Friday I will be 28 weeks pregnant {{Seven months, for those you not up on the lingo}}. This pregnancy has flown by with hardly any drama and almost no puking, a fact I am supremely greatful for, after spending the majority of my first, and the first half of my second pregnancy with my head in a toilet. I can officially say this pregnancy hasn't been awful. Actually, if all of my pregnancies were as uncomplicated and smooth as this one, I might be happy to have ten kids {{but lets not get crazy}}.

Baby J is a very healthy little girl. She's active as can be {{so active at one point I had to go to L&D because I thought her acrobatics and pokey-fingers game were causing unwanted things to happen}}. She is measuring spot on and though she is due Nov 2nd, I have a feeling she'll be making her debut into the world some time the week before Halloween, but we shall see. They all come when they want to. She is a fiesty little thing. She refuses to let them monitor her heart beat for longer than a second and she LOVES calling the 1-800-momsfood line and asking for cupcakes. And skittles. Lots and lots of skittles. This pregnancy I have gained more weight at this point, than I had in my other two, but in my other two pregnancies I gained a lot of weight {{like 30 pounds each time}} very quickly in the last three months. Maybe this time it just evened out over the whole nine months {{Or maybe I'm just huge and we'll play it off like I meant to do it.}}

"Some how" I have managed to stay busy enough to avoid sitting and focusing on the fact that in a few months we will have two children under one and a three year old. J asked me the other day if I was ready {{which effectively, is like asking if I am ready to be run over by a semi and then thrown onto a porcupine.}} Yes, we are ready for a baby to come. The house is {{almost}} all set and even Bug seems to understand another human will be living with us shortly. We have everything we need and Baby J even has her own space in the closet. We are ready but I'm not sure you can ever mentally prepare yourself for what's about to happen. I mean, 2.0 is still up three or four times a night and Bug has more attitude than I do {{which should be some kind of impossibility}}. I also keep getting asked if I'm getting excited {{sorry people, but please refer to the comment about being run over by a semi}}. My husband is coming home from deployment to an infant who was two months old when he left, a three year old and a hormonal pregnant house woman and in the "honeymoon phase" of all of that, we are adding another baby to the mix {{nothing like making all of your life adjustments at one time!}}. While it all IS exciting {{please no hate mail about how babies are blessings, I KNOW we are blessed and I am excited Baby J will be here soon}}, MOSTLY it's all just really scary.

I feel like it will be like ripping off a band-aid. It will suck while it's happening and then all the anxiety about doing it will be worthless because it wasn't really *that* bad anyways. The good news is I won't be pregnant again for a very VERY VERY long time {{I've already told my doctor that I will hold her personally responsible if it happens again}} and in the grand scheme of things being pregnant for three years isn't that bad... It could be worse...

That Duggar woman has been pregnant for twenty-two years...

Wednesday Wish Day

Ok, I'm back {{I think}}. Since J left I have been moping unmotivated lazy indifferent distracted. I haven't really wanted to do much, much less complain about it. Beyond caring for my children and doing my household duties, I've kind of been slacking. Yesterday when I woke up felt different and I feel like I got more done yesterday than I have in the last week {{but really I didn't}}. The most important thing I did yesterday {{other than enjoying our GORGEOUS weather}} was making a Deployment To Do list. Lists make me happy. They give me warm and fuzzies and make me feel productive even if all I've done is just write a list. It's a pretty ambitious list that has a "short-term" and a "long-term" side. It includes things I've discussed here previously and new things I added to keep me busy {{hey, I have 7 months to fill}}.

After I made the list I prioritized it. As I was doing this, sitting outside on our pretty screened in porch on a gorgeous NC day, Bug was playing in our sand pit weed & sticker infested no grass at all backyard with the dogs. J and I have talked about having sod put in since we moved in. the builder said they seeded but I could probably put up a good debate to that. While watching her chasing the dogs, digging in the sand and falling on her face {{she is my kid}} I decided to add a play set to the list. The more I thought about having a play set, the higher on the list it got. When I realized that if we had a play set, on any given day when my child was driving me bananas, I could send her right outside to play. Suddenly, this was the best idea I've ever had!

This morning I found one that I liked and that Bug would definitely enjoy {{We could put a piece of wood back there and it would make her happy}}. Not only that but the huge amount of sanity saving play time this would give me {{Have I mentioned that yesterday was day three of listening to her favorite make-mommy-want-to-hang-herself noise??}}, makes this almost an instant necessity. Unfortunately, its not in our budget today. Probably won't be tomorrow, but hopefully soon. Also, there's the silly little detail of putting the damn thing together {{probably NOT something I can do by myself}}.

So, my wish for this Wednesday is the play set fairies will visit in the night and drop off a fully assembled {{and paid for}} wooden play area.

Probably not gonna happen... But it's Wednesday. I can wish all I want.

Deployment Rules 1, 2 and 3

Any military spouse can tell you the number one rule of deployments is, as soon as they leave, things will inevitably fall to smelly, smashed up pieces. In the last 72 hours 2.0 has started MAD teething {{which makes her want to be held ALL day and not want to nap}}, Bug has learned to open the fridge {{yay for raw eggs being found all over the kitchen}}, the laptop cable for our computer died {{thank goodness for my old phone book Dell laptop cable fitting}}, our TV is probably dying {{the picture keeps shrinking and I cant fix it}} and I'm pretty sure I found mouse poop this morning {{EFFING AWESOME!!}}. Oh and for some reason, no matter how hard I try, I can't grow a third arm so I always have a free hand to carry my phone.

J left on Tuesday. When J's schedule changed, my BFF changed hers so she could be here with me and I'm not quite sure how I would reacted if she wasn't there. She was able to keep me distracted enough that we were all making jokes and laughing right up until they called the 5-minute warning for the end of family time. We hugged and kissed and hugged again and then he chased us off to prevent a long drawn out "see you later". Bug was upset that we were leaving him, but I think my ability to keep myself together, kept her from freaking out and once in the car I was immediately relieved for that part to finally be over with.

So, he's gone. And inevitably, as is how it goes, it is time for everything to explode, die, overflow, get lost or ruined, and or fall apart. The really sad part about all of this is that, as far as I'm concerned, not growing a third arm is my biggest problem right now. The second rule of deployments is that you will become tethered to your cellular device as you {{and those around you}} never thought possible. Being married to your phone is one of those little ticks you get after they leave. You wait for days to hear from them, compulsively checking your email, Facebook, Twitter {{well, I would if I had one}}, MySpace {{hey, it could happen}}. Take a shower, check your phone. Pick up a crying baby, check your phone. Tie your shoes, check your phone. Hear a beep, chime, or church bells; Check your phone. It's an illness. Then you panic when you try to check your phone and you can't find it. I've had three almost-meltdowns because I couldn't find my phone when I've been sitting on it. This is where that third arm would really come in handy. I'd never have to put it down.

Of course, not putting down your phone doesn't stop other retarded things from happening. J sent me a message yesterday saying he would call soon and then in the four hours after that message, I got five phone calls from telemarketers. Deployment Rule #3: As soon as they might call, every sales group in the western hemisphere will call from numbers that *might* be your spouse. There is always this awkward moment of serious let down after you answer expecting your spouses voice and a woman asks if you've ever considered AT&T, Blue Cross/Blue Shield, ADT or voting for Mit Romney. Seriously, These things happen to me.

If I didn't find it all almost funny, I'd probably be a mess right now {{or be day drunk constantly}}. For the most part I know how lucky we are: the girls and I are safe, J is safe and my mom will be here soon for a visit. Even at my loneliest, I have found that I'm not truly alone, it just feels that way. And there is always wine {{sweet, sweet, feeling killing wine}}.

J will be home before we know it and in the mean time I can work on that third arm.

2.0

Monday 2.0 will be four months old {{16wks}}. Can you believe it? FOUR MONTHS!! Since I will probably be fairly busy on Monday dealing with other things, I thought I would post about it now.

At four months, she's a talkative little button. She'll have "conversations" with anyone who will stand still long enough to chat with her. She has the cutest ridiculous cheeks that roll down over her collar bone and even some little dimples when she smiles, which is a lot. She's not a fan of tummy time but I try often. She LOVES Mommy. Bug was an instant Daddy's Girl. 2.0 seems to be more of a Mommy's girl {{which I am perfectly OK with}} and she melts my heart with the love on her face when she smiles at me. She is a little porker. We go through about 2.5 boxes of formula every two weeks and she has the leg rolls to show for it. She likes to see what is going on around her but will also sleep pretty much any where, through pretty much anything {{the other night a power outage sent our smoke detectors off and both girls didn't even move}}. She is also looking more and more like her sister did - which means she is taking after J. There are some differences but every now and then she throws a face and I get flashbacks to when Bug was little. She is now sleeping through the night {{it's been a full week!! Woo hoo!!}} in her own crib. Now that we all are sleeping better our mornings are that much happier. She is a cozy little baby. Content to be cuddled or happy to just play and check things out. SHe thinks her big sister is hilarious and Bug still finds 2.0 entertaining and is still willing to share her stuff with her. The other day we had to have the please-don't-feed-baby-sister-cheerios talk. I'm enjoying the sharing as long as possible, though.


One Day Old

One Month Old

Two Months Old

Three Months Old

Four Months Old

I truly am one blessed Mama!!

The Positive Side of Prison - The latest in the Crayon War Saga

There are some moments you have as a Mom that make you all warm and fuzzy inside.

Best Moments of Motherhood

When you stop what your doing, where you're doing it, because you can hear your two year old coming up the stairs saying, "It's ok. I just spill it. It's ok. I just spill it." over and over again. And you can't be mad she's left a trail all the way up the stairs because she was bringing her daddy his coffee {{at 3pm after it had been sitting on the table since breakfast}}.

Listening to your husband and your two year old singing, "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes" over and over together while they are laughing about how fast they are going.

"NO! I do it! I DOOO IIIITTT!!!" When she wants to feed her baby sister, put her own shoes on and cook us dinner.

When I've just spent the last 20 minutes picking up and vacuuming the family room, only to go to the bathroom and come back having some how missed the cyclone that has swept through our house.

Putting something down and being SUPER DUPER ECSTATIC when it is still where I left it the next time I need it.

Having a meaningful conversation with my infant.

When, "I not sure." Becomes the answer to any question asked, even if it wasn't yes or no.

When the whole house is asleep and you've rocked your 12 week old {{eek! How can that be?!}} for 30 minutes and she spits out her pacifier and smiles when you ask her if she can go to sleep now. {{Guess not.}}

Typing out a blog one handed while you try and get your baby to sleep, while she's cooing, gooing and making all sorts of other girlish noises and then is suddenly ticked off you've kept her up so long.

Adventures in Toddler Land

We have tried everything to get Bug into using her big girl potty. I've tried the cute Princess undies, talking to her about what a big girl she is and even showing her by taking her to the bathroom with me. We spent the whole day Saturday with her sporting her Tinkle Bell underoos.

I don't know why I thought it would be easy, but I did. You know, "Here's the toilet, the paper, a book. Make it happen. Call me when you're finished." Instead, we followed her around all day and had to talk her into sitting even for a minute. One time we got her to sit for a good 20 minutes. At the end of it I knew she had to sit longer because as soon as she got up she would pee. Guess what? Yup, as soon as she hit the carpet, she peed. Everywhere.

After that little episode {{Where Mommy had to figure out how to be nice without turning to booze}} I decided to try and figure out ways to keep her on the potty until she actually went potty. Here is what we tried:

Reading her Abby Caddabby Potty Time Book {{four thousand times}}

Apple juice. Lots and lots of apple juice.

I painted her toes. Then mine. Then her fingers.

Playtime with her favorite toys.

And, of course, good old fashioned bribery with our M&M jar.

Two: The number of times she made the potty sing.

Six: The number of times we changed her into new undies throughout the day.

Four: The number of times she asked for her diaper back {{womp, womp}}.

{{On a completely unrelated side note}} 2.0 is 11 weeks old today. She is getting so big and has added so much love to our house {{as shown in this pic - ha!}} I can't believe she is almost three months old <3

The Great Crayon War

Thanks to a certain two year old, We have had to remove all the crayons from our house. It started with some stairwell "artwork". It happened about a week after we moved in and the result was me having to paint a stairwell.

Shortly thereafter {{and two walls later}} we decided it would be best if the crayons went into "hiding" until Bug was just a little bit older. Apparently, in two year old terms this. Meant. War. Since then, whenever her pudgy little fingers find something that writes, she has tagged a new wall in the house.

One in the living room