Emotional Cleaning

Do you emotional clean? It's what I do so I don't eat my feelings. Ok, it's what I do AFTER I eat my feelings. It's not the same as everyday cleaning. It's getting the gloves and the toothbrush out and scrubbing the baseboards until the paint comes off... It's different.

I lost an old friend this week. He passed away early Sunday morning. It's been awhile since I had talked to him. Too long. At one point in my life he was a part of a group of friends that I spent three or four nights a week with. We were close and we always had so much fun together. We had it made. We totally took it for granted. One day life happened and everything changed.

Bret was one of the most genuine people I have ever met. I don't think I ever heard him say a bad thing about anyone. He was one hell of a hard worker. He loved his Mama. And he would have given the shirt off of his back to anyone who asked, if he thought it would help them. He also new how to have fun. I can't remember one single time I was with him that I didn't laugh until my sides hurt. Even if I was in a bad mood, he made me better. That's just how he was.

I have a good grasp on death, or so I think. Everyone dies. Sometimes, it's a relief. It ends the pain of a long struggle or battle. For some it's peaceful. For some it's ugly. But everyone goes. It sucks when it's someone young. Sucks even more when it might have been done by their own hand. It ends their hurt but it leaves a void.

And questions.

And confusion.

Questions:

How does a person go from being such a big part of your life to not a part of it at all, overnight?

And why is that normal?

Is it wrong to remember someone for being the life of the party, if the party is ultimately what gets them?

Confusion:

It just doesn't make sense.
{{A sentiment echoed by every. single. person I know.}}

And so I clean.

Hoping I can bleach answers out of the bath tub. Organize the chaos in my house, to help clear up the chaos in my head.

It might not work...

But at least the house looks nice.