Friday, January 20, 2012

The Break Up

Dear Tony Horton,

I am afraid that I have to break up with you. The hours we have shared have been interesting, but I fear for my life should we continue our morning 'chats'. At first I thought it was my lack of muscle that made me useless during our sessions; my husband even told me so. But I have come to the conclusion it has nothing to do with my muscles, {{or lack thereof}} it has to do with my inability to stay up right correctly when I'm NOT trying to do the Heisman or run through fake 'big giant knobby' snow tires. I didn't grow up with the nickname "Grace" because of how close to God I am.

This morning was the last straw. I fell while doing at least four of the workouts, bruised at least two parts of my body and managed to punch myself in the face all in the same twenty minutes. It is not bad enough that I fall all over EVERY thing, but I am starting to look like a fool in my own living room when no one is watching. I think the ugly-chair was even laughing. At me {{the UGLY chair!}}

Our time together was precious. Just you and me {{and the freaks behind you}} together. I will miss waking up to your rippling pectorals, the 'word' of the day and your less than humorous jokes. But I can be loyal to you no longer. The elliptical has been there for me through all of this and we have become rather close. We have been spending more and more time together and I really think that is what I need right now.

If you see us out, please pretend like you don't know us. It would just be too awkward and it would resurface feelings of inadequacy that I have had to deal with. I hope you understand. It's not me, its you. It's not you it's me.

Maybe someday....

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