Monday, January 9, 2012

“It takes true courage to be a dove, but no honor accrues to being an ostrich”

2.0's two month check up was this morning. She turns nine weeks today and it seems like she was JUST born! She is growing like a bean stalk and will soon be a giant. She is already 24" long and she weighs almost 14lbs. When the nurse asked if I had any concerns about her eating habits I asked if she needed a diet.

When the doctor came in we went over all of my questions about 2.0 and then I asked one about Bug. I've been through a deployment alone, never with kids. Especially, not such a super daddy's girl. So, I asked the Doctor about how best to prepare Bug for J leaving. She told me to tell her that he's going to work and that we'll see him {{on Skype}} and talk to him when we can. Then she said, "The best way to prepare her, is to make sure your prepared. Are you ready?" To which I instantly *burst* into tears.

Are you kidding me? Am I ready? For my husband to go replace a unit that has lost 56 soldiers in the last 12 months? In a country fighting a war that most of America has forgotten about? Hmmm.... Nope. Actually, I've been blissfully ignoring all those things hoping that the heavens would open, something miraculous would happen, and I wouldn't have to deal with it. An ostrich, with it's head in the sand. I've been doing good too. I made it through all the deployment questions from family over Thanksgiving. Managed to squeak through Christmas without being an emotional wreck and even managed to have a happy & hopeful New Years. But I can't do it anymore. It's time to pull my head out of the sand and face reality. He's going. And it sucks.

After a minute I had composed myself enough to make jokes when she asked if I had lots of friends and family close. Then she told me that she would be my friend and suggested I drop the kids off at daycare, go pick her up and we could have a beach day {{hahaha! that's even more absurd now than it was in the office}}.

I cried all the way home. My husband is REALLY deploying....

and it REALLY sucks.


Alayna's Creations said...

yes, yes it does suck. Sorry Meg, sometimes it just hits you like that. So cry and be annoyed because that's how your feeling. Then go back to being your ostrich because honestly that's my best theory on how to deal with it. Most of the time you just distract yourself and the kids and keep living your life the best way you can. You can do it! And unlike your reaction to the doc's suggestion, if I ever tell you to pack up because we're going to the beach, I hope you won't laugh in my face! :)

Jessica said...

i couldn't help but cry when i read your post. I am so sorry sweet heart. I am so sorry that we don't live closer (not that a friends company will ever make it any better than your husbands) I only know how it is to be with out Ron for a few hours out of the day. I can't begin to even imagine what you and your kids will go through. When i think about how your precious little girls are gonna cry it breaks my heart. I love you!!! and im sorry. And now i can't help but cry because no wife and no child should have to be with our their spouse......and then i look down to enter the word verification and i thought the word was beyonce lol it was biontece. how the hell did i get beyonce LOL

Lauren Chestnutt Coburn said...

gah. this made me cry and i dont even know you! deployments are so evil. :o( maybe most of the world has forgotten about the war... but your military family has not!